From Overwhelm to Empowerment: What to Ask Before and During Fertility Treatment

By Kim Schamroth, RN — Fertility Nurse & Head of Patient Empowerment at Grain Fertility

If you’re navigating fertility treatments, you’ve probably felt it: the constant swirl of information, decisions, and emotions that can make even the simplest next step feel heavy. It’s easy to feel like you’ve lost control somewhere along the way — but I want you to know something important: you still have a voice.

You are the expert on your body and your experience. My job as a fertility nurse is to help you feel informed, empowered, and supported enough to use that voice.

Here are some of the most important questions I encourage patients to ask — before starting treatment, while you’re in the thick of it, and when things don’t go as planned.

Before Starting Fertility Treatments

Before you begin, take a step back and make sure your care plan fits your life — not the other way around. Ask yourself and your partner:

• What are we optimizing for right now — success rate, speed, cost, or convenience?

• What kind of support systems will we need in place — emotional, mental, logistical?

• How much do we want to share with others, and what boundaries do we want to set?

  
  

When you meet with your clinic, don’t hesitate to ask:

• How will you address possible underlying causes before we begin treatment?

• Where are embryos stored — onsite or offsite?

• Do you require PGT-A testing for all patients, or is that optional?

These questions aren’t “too much.” They’re how you take ownership of your care.

Understanding Medications and Protocols

You deserve to understand what’s being prescribed and why. Ask your doctor or nurse:

• What protocol options are available to me? Could we try a lower-dose or alternative approach?

• Can you walk me through what each medication is doing in my body?

• What are the common side effects and what should I monitor for?

Fertility medicine is not one-size-fits-all. The more you understand, the more confident you’ll feel advocating for adjustments when something doesn’t sit right.

When PGT-A Testing Comes Up

Preimplantation Genetic Testing for Aneuploidy (PGT-A) can be an incredible tool for some — and unnecessary for others.

Ask your provider:

• Do you recommend PGT-A for my specific case?

• What are the pros and cons based on my history?

• What kind of information will this test actually give us, and how will it change our approach?

Just because something is offered doesn’t mean it’s required. Your decision deserves context.

After a Failed Retrieval or Transfer

When a cycle doesn’t go as planned, it’s easy to turn inward and blame yourself. Please don’t.There are so many variables at play — and each setback gives us more information for what’s next.

Ask your care team:

• What do you believe contributed to the last outcome?

• What data or tests are we using to guide our next steps?

• How will we adjust the plan this time, and why?

These are questions of partnership, not confrontation. You’re inviting your team to think critically with you.

Emotional and Financial Support

Fertility treatment doesn’t just test your body — it tests your mind, your relationships, your patience, and your budget.You should never feel like you have to hold it all alone.

Ask:

• Who can I talk to here about mental health support during this process?

• Are there grants, programs, or payment plans available to offset costs?

• Can you please take into account my schedule, past losses, or trauma as we plan treatment?

You’re not asking for special treatment — you’re asking for human treatment.

Empowerment isn’t about being fearless. It’s about being informed, supported, and seen.

A Final Word

If you take one thing away from this: you’re allowed to ask questions. Your care team works for you. You are the constant in this journey — and you deserve a seat at the table.

About the Author

Kim Schamroth, RN is Head of Patient Empowerment at Grain Fertility. With over seven years in reproductive health, she’s worked with leading fertility centers, virtual clinics, and patient communities. Kim helps patients feel confident, organized, and supported through every step of their fertility journey.

About Grain Fertility

Founded by an IVF dad after a four-year journey, Grain Fertility was built to help people feel less alone in a system that often feels rushed and transactional. Members get 1:1 coaching from fertility nurses, personalized organizational tools, and compassionate guidance through every step of the process.