Mindful Grieving after Pregnancy Loss

By Dr. Aliza Ancier, PT, DPT, PCES

Grief after pregnancy loss is one of the most complex emotional experiences a person can move through. It’s physical. It’s mental. And it’s deeply personal.

Many of us are taught to “move on” — but grief doesn’t work that way.We don’t heal from grief; we integrate it.We carry it forward, learning to live with what’s been lost while honoring the love that remains.

What Mindfulness Really Is — and Isn’t

Mindfulness is often confused with meditation or with “clearing your mind.” But true mindfulness is about awareness — paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, without judgment.

It’s a practice of:

• Attention: noticing what’s happening right now

• Open awareness: observing your inner world with curiosity, not criticism

• Acceptance: allowing every feeling to exist, without needing to fix it

• Choice: responding rather than reacting

Mindfulness is not the absence of thought. It’s the presence of compassion.

Understanding Grief as a Full-Body Experience

Grief is not linear. It arrives in waves — sometimes gentle, sometimes overwhelming. It can tighten the chest, hollow the stomach, or bring exhaustion that no amount of sleep can fix.

As author Megan Devine reminds us:

“Some things cannot be fixed; they can only be carried.”

And as Jamie Anderson writes:

“Grief is really just love — all the love you want to give but cannot.”

Grieving mindfully means making room for this love. It means giving yourself permission to feel, rather than forcing yourself to “get over it.”

The Practice of Mindful Grieving

There’s no single right way to grieve, but mindfulness offers gentle structure when everything feels chaotic.

Try this simple sequence:

1. Pause – Stop whatever you’re doing. Take one conscious breath.

2. Name – Identify what’s present: “I feel anger.” “I feel emptiness.” “I feel longing.”

3. Connect – Place a hand on your heart or stomach. Remind yourself, “I’m allowed to feel this.”

You might notice how grief shows up in your body — a tight throat, heavy eyes, clenched jaw. These sensations are not enemies; they’re messages. Listening to them builds resilience over time.

Everyday Moments to Practice

You don’t need to carve out hours for meditation. Mindfulness can live in small, everyday acts:

• Wake up check-in: Before you reach for your phone, notice your breath and mood.

• At work: When waves of grief hit mid-day, take a minute to breathe rather than power through.

• On tender days like Mother’s Day: Let yourself opt out, slow down, or create your own rituals that honor your experience.

The Power of Permission

One of the most radical acts of self-compassion after loss is giving yourself permission — to rest, to cry, to feel joy again.

Mindfulness doesn’t erase pain. It helps you make space for it without being consumed by it. Through awareness, patience, and self-compassion, we slowly learn to live with our grief, not in spite of it.

About the Author

Dr. Aliza Ancier (PT, DPT, PCES) is a Doctor of Physical Therapy specializing in maternal health, a trained mindfulness teacher, and a trauma-sensitive practitioner. She leads a monthly Pregnancy After Loss support group and teaches evidence-based mindfulness programs for parents and birthing individuals.